Kaiba's Horrid Day
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: xXCompleted!xX If you thought Bakura’s Horrid Day was funny, the sequel’s even better! Kaiba, the strict CEO, is about to experience his worst nightmares and some that he couldn’t even think of! Pure humor! Sequel coming up.
1. Doctors aren't the same anymore

DIS: At last, the sequel to 'Bakura's Horrid Day' is 'Kaiba's Horrid Day'! Enjoy. (snickers)

X

Title: Kaiba's Horrid Day 

_Genre: Humor_

_Rating: M_

_Summary: If you thought Bakura's Horrid Day was funny, the sequel's even better! Kaiba, the strict CEO, is about to experience his worst nightmares and some that he couldn't even think of! Pure humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, but I own every bit of this plot and the ideas_

_Notes/Warnings: Pure humor; sequel to Bakura's Horrid Day; Mokuba's torture; some come-ons with yaoi; will be short with short chapters_

X 

Seto Kaiba, the CEO of Kaiba Corp. who was rich, egotistical, stuck-up, had a younger brother and hated Yuugi Mutoh was experiencing leg cramps. Leg cramps? He hadn't heard of such a bizarre thing! So, being a hypochondriac, he called the hospital.

"Hello, Domino Hospital." A feminine voice answered.

"I have a blood clot in my leg."

"Oh my! That must be horrible!"

"Yes, it is." Kaiba replied calmly, but irately.

"It must hurt!"

"It does."

"I can't imagine having a blood clot in _my_ leg!"

"That's nice to know." Kaiba was twitching now, trying hard not to shout at the wench.

"My mom had breast cancer. She died, did ya know that?"

"I don't care."

"So, who is this? You wanna, ya know, have some fun some time?"

"No, because I think I might be _dying_, understand that?"

"Dying! Wow! I wonder what it feels like to _die_."

"Want me to help you with that?"

"Nah, I'm fine." He took a deep breath.

"Just – get Doctor Trudy on the phone."

"Kay."

Pause.

"This is Doctor Trudy."

"I have a blood clot in my leg."

"Oh, dear, does it hurt?"

"Yes, it hurts."

"Wow, I wonder what that feels like...My dad had lung cancer once and died from it."

"CAN YOU JUST HEAL IT?"

"Oh! Right! Come right and I'll fix you right up Mr...?"

"Kaiba."

"Mr. Kaiba, right! Come right in!"

"Fine."

X

"Okay, Mr. Kaiba, we've found the problem. I'll just slide this needle in your leg and it'll all be better! Wanna lollipop?" Doctor Trudy, who was surprisingly a male, held a lollipop out to Kaiba, who closed his eyes, counting to ten.

"No, just get this done with."

"Right! It might hurt a little." Doctor Trudy lifted his hard and slammed the needle into Kaiba's leg.

"HOLY MOTHER (BEEP) (BEEP) AND (BEEP)!" Kaiba roared in pain. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

"Oh, don't be that way," Trudy said, pouting. "I told you it would hurt!"

X

Kaiba limped out of the hospital, holding his now-swollen leg.

"(BEEP) doctor..." he muttered to himself, flinching every time he walked.

X

Kaiba walked in and Mokuba bounded up to him.

"HI SETO! (BARF)" Kaiba gave an outraged cry as Mokuba's stomach remains was hurled at his brand-new Armani suit.

X

DIS: I used that Mokuba thing from another of my fics. Hehehe, it cracks me up every time. Anyway, I know it was short, but I'm, unfortunately, in a rush to take a shower. (X.X) I have mud all over me from helping pull weeds...Anyway! Please review and if you have an idea, it'd help me a lot! _Adieu_!


	2. My life gets worse and worse

DIS: Welcome back everyone! And here are the review responses, kukuku! (sweat drop)

AnimeSenko: It has been AGES since I've last heard from you. But thank you, I'm glad it was funny! I was hoping for it to be.

Cerulean San: (sweat drop) of course you exist!

Eternal Eyes: I know, I love the ending! Poor Kaiba, though. (o.o)

Chained and Torchered: Okay, I admit! It wasn't mud that was on me, it was specks of dirt. But it was still alot to me!

xXxReixXx: (OO, slowly picks chair up for you)

Marin M: Thanks!

Kitsunegirl4ever: it wasn't years! Just a few months...(nervously inches away, then dives into a bush) Hahaha!

Kaiamara: (oO) Uh...you don't have to cherish my review. (X.X) I'm not that special...In fact, I'm not special at all! (pats cat) But my kitty is, hehehe

Erika Darkmoon: Finally I speak to you! After...(oO) A couple LONG weeks! And I'm glad you thought it was funny, lol.

Rosepedal: Hmm, I just might have that done to our poor Kaiba - mwahahaha!

Midnight Chamber: Thanks, I believe I shall! And I shall fly as well, because I believe in myself! (jumps off a chair and falls on her face)...That was not a good idea...

DIS: (rubbing face) All right, enjoy while I nurse my wound...(cries)

X

Kaiba yawned and smiled at his blue eyes white dragon card.

"Hello, Blue Eyes." He stretched and walked over to the mirror and stared for a long time. The image was Charlie Brown...And that just freaked this CEO out. Then he sighed drearily. "It's going to be another one of those days..." He realized with horror. Just like when that damnable doctor – who doesn't seem to be able to do his job, Kaiba believe – shoved a needle in his thigh. He went over to his dresser and let out a roar as a pie came out of the drawer and –

SPLAT!

– the pie flew up and hit him in the face. He swore in every language he knew – which was quite a bit – and wiped his face off. He sighed, staring down at the cloth with contentment, before crying out once again.

"MY BRAND NEW SILK BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON AND OBELISK THE TORMENTOR BOXERS!" He collapsed on the ground, swearing more, kicking his dresser in fury.

(Shake, shake)

"Aw, shit..." He muttered as the dresser began to fall towards him.

X

Mokuba looked up, grinning as his big brother came in, then gasped in horror.

"Seto! What happened to you!" The younger Kaiba asked in concern, spotting the black eye the CEO had.

"I had a bad morning..." He muttered in response, sighing. "I'm going to get the newspaper." Mokuba watched his brother leave, then glanced outside at the employees, grinning.

Kaiba heard a click and blinked, turning back to the door. He shrugged and turned the knob, newspaper in hand.

"(o.o) Mokuba, let me in." Kaiba glanced around wearily, before saying, "Mokuba, unlock the door. Open the door! (OO) HURRY, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"

"Blue eyes white dragon jimmies? With feet?" The gardener asked, staring in aw e.

"AUUUUUUGGGHHHH!"

"It's to laaate," Mokuba snickered from inside, watching from the window. _Poor Seto...He's suffered so much...Oh well!_

X

Kaiba grumbled, stomping down the street. He was humiliated, had a black eye, and his limozine – no, all _twenty limozines_ – was suddenly broken! And now, there was Bakura, who was looking ready to cause mischief.

"Hey, Kaiba, you're ugly!" Bakura declared, pointing at him

SLAM!

"As if it's _my_ fault," Bakura muttered, nursing his black eye.

X

"Mr. Kaiba, there's a Mr. Mutou here to see you."

_Ah-ha! My day is looking up! Maybe I can – (OO) Oh my Lord..._

Kaiba stared in horror at the thing that was once Yuugi Mutou.

"Hi Kaiba!"

"Yuugi...?"

"Yep! Like my new style?" Kaiba just stared at him.

"Style? Yuugi, I don't know if you realize this but you're dressed as a...a leprechaun."

"How dare you!" Yuugi gasped in horror. "How..._dare_ you insult the Irish! HYA!" Kaiba stared in utter bemusement as Yuugi flung his arms out and little leprechauns appeared. Then, they – including Yuugi – started to river dance. Kaiba pushed a button underneath his desk that called the police.

BAM!

"HALT IN THE NAME OF THE DONUTS!" An officer roared. Yuugi and the leprechauns whirled around, hissing at them, suddenly having cat eyes.

"YE WON'T GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!" They roared, then jumped out of Kaiba's window, which, by the way, was about 20 or more stories high.

"(oO) What in the hell?" Kaiba muttered, watching as Yuugi stood up – unharmed – and ran down the sidewalk, laughing psychotically.

"Darn! And I really wanted his lucky charms..." The officers pouted and left Kaiba to mend his door _and_ his window.

"God fucking dammit," Kaiba muttered to himself. All of a sudden, the roof caved in and fell on the CEO. "Scratch that..." he muttered from underneath the rubble. "Just fucking dammit..."

X

"Mr. Kaiba, you're back all ready!" Doctor Trudy exclaimed, grinning at Kaiba, who was glaring at him. "What is it you need?"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I HAVE A FUCKING BROKEN LEG, YOU IMBECILE!"

"(o.o) Oh, my, you shouldn't be using such language, Mr. Kaiba. Okay! Let's get this all done. Lollipop?" He held out a grape lollipop to Kaiba, who shot a dirty look at him. "You're being a naughty boy, Kaiba, naughty, naughty!"

CRACK.

"HOLY SHIT, WHAT DID YOU _DO_!" Kaiba roared, holding his leg in pain.

"I was trying to fix it, why?"

"I...want another doctor..."

X

"All right, Mr. Kaiba, I'll fix you right up," Doctor Nathaniel, another male doctor, smiled at him. Kaiba sighed and relaxed. At least _he_ was a Ph. D

SLAM!

_Oh Lord, all these doctors are insane..._Kaiba thought as he drifted unconscious.

"(oO) Uh-oh," Doctor Nathaniel gulped. "This could be bad..."

X

"Big brother! You're awake!" Kaiba groaned, blinking. "The doctor's said that you got a concussion from the roof's cave-in."

"(o.o) That doctor...Doctor Nathaniel! HE KNOCKED ME OUT!"

"You're hysterical, Seto. But don't worry! I've got just the people to help you!" Mokuba opened the door and Kaiba let out a shocked shout.

"Ye ain't gonna take me lucky charms, are ye?" Yuugi, who had grown a beard, eyed Kaiba warily.

"WAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_Beep, beep, beep, beep!_

Kaiba woke up, breathing hard.

"Big brother! You're awake! The doctor's say you got a concussion from the roof's cave-in."

"(o.o) Oh, God...Oh _God_..." Kaiba gulped.

"Not to worry, though! I have just the people to help you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mokuba blinked and Kaiba did as well. The "people" were some lawyers and a hit-man.

"Uh...Like I was saying...I know you didn't get a concussion from the cave-in, because you were fine when you left to the Doctor's, so I think that Doctor Nathaniel did it!" Kaiba just blinked.

"Yes," he nodded at last. "That's exactly what happened the mother fu – " A lawyer cleared his voice. "Wait a minute..." Kaiba peered closer. "(oO) Jounouchi?"

"Yes, my name is Jounouchi. Jounouchi Katsuya. And my name was dat since I was borne on whatever my birthday is because I don't remember. Oh and Kaiba..." Jou winked at him. "It was _good_."

"(OO) WHAT?"

"You know what I mean, hot stuff."

"(X.X) Oh God..."

"Yeah, you were saying dat most of the time, but at da end you were all 'OH YES JOUNOUCHI! HARDER! AHH!'"

(OO)

(OO''''')

(0o0'''''''')

"Mokuba," Kaiba turned to his younger – and shocked – brother. "I think I need to make my will right now..."

X

DIS: (has a huge bandage on her face) Ah! I love torturing Kaiba! (oO) But Jou scares me...Scares me A LOT! Ahem, please review! And if you have any ideas, send them in!


	3. Bam, yo, click, what next?

DIS: I am back! Review responses!

Marin M: (grins) Thank you so very much! (oO) Though, it wasn't as funny as I had hoped it would be.

Eternal Eyes: Lol, of course it would be better! After all, Kaiba is a strict CEO and Bakura is...(o.o) Well, I'm not quite sure what he is.

SilentMonkGirl: (OO, gives you an ice pack)

Kitsunegirl4ever: (OO) It could not have possibly been seven months! Though it is the seventh of the year right now – however, it is not the seventh month! Maybe week...( )

Midnight Chamber: (gasps) My Buddha, you are right! Kaiba does _not_ have a single clicky pen! Thank you for the idea.

Chained and Torchered: Meh, you can have Bakura, just don't take Marik! (X.X) And it is very odd to be afraid of Jou...(shakes head sadly)

(Anonymous): Thanks.

XXxReixXx: I shall add more Bakura!

Danny'sGhostGirl: You killed Kaiba in one of your stories? (O.O'') BRUTAL! Lol.

Suckerpunch: So...(o.o) If you're not going to be writing YuGiOh anymore, are you going to continue reading it? (;.;) That's so sad that you are moving to Teen Titans, not that I have anything against that show. And it was real dandy that you left without saying anything to anyone! Er...Well left this account...(sweat drop) Right! It's good to finally hear from you, anyway.

Sanguine Dreams: Kaiba's not gay...OR IS HE? DUN DUN DUNNN! No, lol, he isn't.

And on to the next chapter!

X

Kaiba sighed, walking down the road to Kaiba Land to check in with things.

"Hello, Kaiba," Bakura greeted, Malik at his side. Kaiba frowned and waved away smoke.

"Is that..._pot_?" The CEO demanded, glowering.

"Hey, hey, shh! The cops could be anywhere!" They tossed their "ciga-weed" into some ladies purse and stopped Kaiba. The taller of the three frowned. "Watch."

Silence...

"OH MY GOD! MY PURSE IS ON FIRE! AIII!" The lady started to run in circles, hit a lamppost and was knocked out. Bakura and Malik laughed and Kaiba just sighed, slapping his forehead and going ahead.

"Anyway," they caught up to him, Malik speaking, "we were wondering – "

" – if you might be willing – "

" – to give us a job – "

" – at Kaiba Land?"

"No," Kaiba responded flatly. They walked to the lady who opened the gates.

"Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"I'm Seto Kaiba, now open the gates," he said flatly.

"Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"(oO) The hell? I am Kaiba!" Bakura and Malik blinked as the woman just stood there, grinning like a dope.

"Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"I AM KAIBA!" Kaiba roared in fury.

"Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"All right," Bakura said, sighing. "Screw this." He took out a gun and –

BAM! BAM! BAM!

– shot her in the forehead three times.

"...Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"(OO) Uh, Bakura..." Malik began uncertainly as blood oozed from the ladies forehead.

"Shoot her again, dammit!" Kaiba commanded. Bakura shrugged and shot her multiple times in the body. "There," he said, satisfied as the body dropped. In an instant, she rose again, smiling like always and said –

"Welcome to Kaiba Land, admission is five dollars."

"Holy shit!" Bakura yelped. "Why won't she die?"

"How am _I_ supposed to know?" Kaiba demanded, backing away from the bloody woman.

"_You_ hired her, smartass!"

"I don't hire the employees, I have a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary who has a secretary that hires the employees."

(OO?)

"Right, well, um..." Bakura glanced at him. "You never saw us!" And at that, they ran off.

"WHAT! YOU BASTARDS!" And at that, Kaiba ran off, leaving the bloodied woman saying, "Goodbye, have a nice day!"

X

Mokuba skipped into the room and looked curiously at his brother, who was staring at the blank TV. He cocked his head, then leaned over to turn it on.

"I AM SETO KAIBA!" Kaiba roared, foaming at the mouth suddenly.

"(OO'''') Gulp..." Mokuba moved away from the TV, slowly backing out of the room. When he was gone, Kaiba wiped his mouth, muttering, "I _am_ Seto Kaiba..."

X

"Sir?" His secretary's secretary's secretary poked her head in. "There's two people here to see you."

"Yeah, okay." Jou and Honda entered and were dressed like gangsters. "(oO) What happened to your wardrobe, Katsuya?"

"Yo, you dissin' me, dawg?"

"Who are you calling a dog!" Kaiba lashed out.

"No, homes, you ain't sayin' it right. It's DAWG, not dog! Now, we've come to give you a little 3-1-1."

"(Oo) (oO) What?"

"And a lullaby for the baby-bye!"

"(X.X) What the hell are you talking about?"

"Now, here we go, dawg. Yo, nigga, wassup, yo!"

(An hour later...)

"Yo, we said _yo_!"

"ENOUGH!" Kaiba snarled. "I don't give a damn about your home, or your dog, or your yo-yo's!"

"Hey, man, don't be hatin'!" Honda said, doing something with his hand. Kaiba's eye twitched, before he shoved them out of his office.

(Even later...)

"Sir?" His secretary popped his head in. "There's someone here to see you."

_It had better not be the leprechauns or those two fuckin' idiots..._ "Very well."

"Hi Kaiba!" Otogi said, skipping in.

"Oh my god." Otogi was clad in a pink Card Captor Sakura dress, with the Clow Key or whatever that thing is. He also had a radio in his hand, which made things all the more suspicious. "What...?"

"Let's go now!" Otogi set the radio down and pushed Play. "Secret of the Clow!..."

"Oh my god," Kaiba repeated in horror as Otogi started to sing the theme song to Card Captors.

"Card Captors!" Otogi did a pose, grinning. Kaiba looked disgusted. "Hold on!" Otogi zoomed out and came back with a blonde wig on, and a woman's pink workout outfit. He replaced the tape and pushed play again. "Here we go now! Woo! Work it out, Barbie!"

"(O.O''') GET...OUT." Kaiba rushed at him and shoved him out, then followed him and took the radio, slammed it against the floor multiple times, before jumping up and down, smashing the pieces even more. "GO!"

"Aww," Otogi pouted, then stomped away.

"If anyone else comes – even for that conference meeting, I'm on a walk!" Kaiba told the secretary. Suddenly, someone came up – a guy that was attending the conference.

"It's time for the conference," he told Kaiba. His secretary tapped him on the shoulder.

"Sir, Mr. Kaiba's on a walk."

(oO)

"(-.-) You moron..." Kaiba muttered to his secretary.

X

Kaiba sat at the table at the conference meeting, finally happy for once, but then, it happened...

Click, click, click, click, click, click –

Kaiba stared at the man that had a clicky pen and kept clicking it over and over again. (A/N: Thanks to Midnight Chamber for this idea!)

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click-click, click-click, click-click, click-click –

Twitch, twitch.

Click-click, click-click...

Kaiba sighed –

Click-click-click-click...clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick –

"ALL RIGHT, WILL YOU KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF?" Kaiba bellowed in anger.

"(OO) Gee, Mr. Kaiba, if it was annoying you, why didn't you just _go on a walk?_"

"(-.-)" _My secretary will pay for this, oh yes, he will..._

X

"Hi, Mr. Kaiba, how was the conference meeting?" His secretary, Jacobs, asked.

"Oh, fine," Kaiba said sweetly. "A donut?"

"No thank you!" Jacobs grinned at him, then continued to work.

"I insist."

"No, that's okay."

"Really, they're good."

"No, I'm fine."

"EAT ONE!"

"(OO) I don't want one, Mr. Kaiba."

"EAT IT, YOU JACKASS!" Kaiba lunged at him.

"Eek!"

X

"Mr. Kaiba!" Doctor Trudy grinned at him. "Back again?"

"(-.-) You have no idea..." Kaiba muttered, Jacobs glued onto his back.

"Okay, let's just..."

RRRRIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!

"OUCH! THAT WAS SOME OF MY SKIN!" Kaiba hollered.

"OWIE! MOMMY!" Jacobs howled.

"Oopsy daisy!" Doctor Trudy giggled. "Anyone want a lollipop?"

"No," Kaiba growled.

"Sniff, yes, please."

"Oh, you take his lollipop after that and not my donut?" Doctor Trudy stared at him bizarrely.

_Kaiba has a donut? Oh my! I wonder if he got a sex change at some point?_ The Doctor thought to himself.

"But you were trying to poison me..."

"AND THAT SUDDENLY MATTERS TO YOU?"

"(o.o) Sniff, you're so mean! It's no wonder our relationship never works out!"

_Relationship? Oh me, oh my!_ Doctor Trudy thought, sweating in horror.

"Oh, forget this, I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow," Kaiba grunted to his secretary, rubbing his back. Jacobs just sat, swinging his legs and sucking on his lollipop. He turned to Doctor Trudy.

"He's really nice when you get closer to him," Jacobs assured the Doctor, who just paled, nodding mutely.

_I think I should go get drunk some more...Which floor did I hide my liquor on again?_

X

DIS: This came out better than I thought. And longer, too. (grins) I hope you all liked reading it as much I did writing it! And wow...(o.o) It was two in the morning when I wrote this. Gatorade and candy _do_ pay off! Lol, please review and see you next chapter!


	4. Ice cream and a theme park

Marin M: Thanks!

Chained and Torchered: You can borrow Malik, but I'm borrowing Marik and Bakura at the moment (glances at the cage they're in with loin clothes and over hot lava) Yes, see, they're very busy at the moment, hahaha! (shakes cage)

Marik and Bakura: Aww! Stop it!

DIS: Hehehe...

xXxReixXx: lol, someone likes Bakura.

Danny'sGhostGirl: No, not horrible, _horrid_. Hehehehe. And much more horrid things are gonna happen to him! I rather like this more than the prequel...(o.o) I think that's what it's called. (shrug)

peach: Ha, ha, no, Kaiba isn't on meds. Unfortunately for him, it's just a real-life nightmare, hehehe. Glad that you like it so much!

Midnight Chamber: Yay, clicky pens! Hehehe, yeah the donut thing...I'm really obsessed with donuts (eats one of the poisoned donuts on accident) (OO) Oops...(X.X)

Wo ai ni Daphney: (oO) If that actually happened with the cops, then all hell would break lose...But that does give me an idea, lol.

Eternal Eyes: Aw, you're so nice! Thanks!

Angel: Poor Doctor Trudy? (Oo) Poor _Kaiba_!

And, now, for the fourth chapter! Enjoy!

X

Chapter Four, Ice cream and a theme park 

Kaiba sighed, rubbing his temples. The week had been exhausting and so far, nothing good had happened. Had he got laid? No. Had he gotten richer? Barely. Had Mokuba stopped irritating him? Not really.

Now, as he walked down the street, he knew that today was going to be as bad as all the others. He spotted an ice cream stand and smirked to himself. _Nothing can go wrong with ice cream_, he told himself and walked up to the stand.

"One Mint Chocolate Chip," he told her, looking through his wallet for a dollar. _Oh damn, only hundreds...Oh well, I'll steal it_.

"One Strawberry Chocolate Chip coming up!"

"No, Mint."

"Huh?"

"Mint!" He snapped. She blinked, then smiled.

"Oh! Here you go," she handed him a white Tic-Tac. He stared at it, blinking, before throwing it over his shoulder and it hit a baby in the head and it started bawling. Then the mother starting to scream profanities at any person who passed her.

Kaiba, a vein twitching in his head, called to the lady, "Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, not _a_ mint!"

"Rocky Road coming right up!" She chirped. Kaiba rubbed his forehead.

"Forget it!" As he passed the woman, she was screaming, "YOU (BLEEP) YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER IN A THREESOME AND – " but he edited out the rest, rather disgusted by the woman, all-in-all. He crossed the street, not noticing that a car was coming by.

SCREECH!

"WHAT THE HELL!" Kaiba roared, seeing that the car nearly hit him.

"YOU BLOODY JAPANESE!" The driver snarled at him, shaking his fist at Kaiba, who gave him the finger in response and stormed across the street to the other side.

"Someday..." he muttered to himself.

X

"Can we go to Silverwood? Huh, huh, can we? Can we?" Mokuba asked, jumping up and down at the side of Kaiba's desk.

_140...141...142..._ Well, we know that Kaiba's been counting for quite awhile!

"For the last time, NO!"

"Please, big brother? Please, please, _please_?"

"NO!"

"PLLEEASSEE?"

"NO, DAMMIT, NO!"

"I'll cry! I'll cry till we go!"

"Fine, you brat!" But Mokuba cried anyway since his brother insulted him. "(-.-) The hell with this...Mokuba, I'll win you a stuffed animal."

"Okay, let's go!" Mokuba grabbed his brother's arm and ran outside, only –

SLAM!

"Big brother, are you okay! I'm sorry!"

"My fucking nose..." Kaiba muttered to himself, seeing red and blue dots.

X

"Let's go on this one, can we big brother?" Mokuba asked hopefully. Kaiba stared up at the roller coaster, feeling his stomach drop. "Yay, we can!" So the younger Kaiba ran up to the line, or more like skipped. As for the older Kaiba...Well, he had a bad feeling about this roller coaster. Then again, he had a bad feeling about _all_ roller coasters.

"Hi," a big, bulky man said to Kaiba.

"Er...hi," Seto muttered.

"Wanna rehearse Green Eggs and Ham?"

"Wha – "

"I am Sam, Sam I am!" The man looked to Kaiba expectantly. "Here, I'll say it all to you! That Sam I am, that Sam I am, I do not like that Sam I am! Do you like Green Eggs and Ham?" He changed his voice to a smaller one for Sam. "I do not like them, Sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham. Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there, I would not like them anywhere. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them, Sam I am. Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? I do not like them in a house, I do not like them with a mouse! I do not like them here or there, I do like them anywhere! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I am!"

Kaiba was in awe that the man knew the book of Dr. Suess' so well...It scared the hell out of him.

"Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Not in a box, no with a fox. Not in a house, not with a house. I would not eat them here or there, I would not eat them anywhere! I would not eat Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I am!"

_When the hell is Sam going to get it through his head he doesn't like them? This is the exact reason why I hate this stupid book. If he doesn't like them, he doesn't want, you stupid squirrel-like moron! _Kaiba thought, remembering the book.

"Would you? Could you? In a car? Eat them, eat them, here they are! I would not, could, in a car! You may like them, you will see. You may like them, in a tree! I would not, could not, in a tree. Not in a car - _you let me be!_ I do not like them in a box, I do not like them with a fox! I do not like them in a house, I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there, I do not like them anywhere. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them, Sam I am! A train, a train! A train, a train! Could you, would, on a train? Not on a train, not in a tree! Not in a car, Sam, let me be! I would not, could not, in a box. I would not, could not, with a fox! I will not eat them in a house, I will not – "

"ALL RIGHT, I GET IT ALL READY!" Kaiba snapped at him. "Now shut the hell up about that idiotic_, annoying_ book!" The man pouted, then reluctantly shut up as the line moved forward.

"Come on, big brother," Mokuba said and plopped into the seat, Kaiba following. Both buckled up and Kaiba clenched onto the metal thing that kept that seated. He wouldn't admit it, but he hated roller coasters. The first one he went on he almost flew out of because his seat belt wasn't buckled. When the man was checking to make sure that the metal thing was secure, they skipped the Kaiba's.

_What the - ?_ Kaiba turned and the man grinned at him malevolently. _(OO) Oh shit!_ But it was too late, they were going up the hill thingy. _I'm gonna die, I just know I'm gonna die! _

The man that had been recited Sam I am squealed as they plunged down and Kaiba turned green, feeling sick. They went through the cave and –

Bonk!

Ow! Oh no...Our thing is loose! Aw! 

Everytime they went into the cave, his head bonked against the top, while Mokuba was screaming with delight. _I think I'm gonna be sick...And dead at that._

When they pulled back in and the ride was over, Kaiba staggered out, his head throbbing, his stomach churning. He ran out to the railing and threw up in the bushes. Mokuba gave him a curious look, but said nothing. _No roller coasters for me! Ever!_

X

Mokuba went on the other roller coasters by himself and afterward, he was intent on going on one of the water rides, one of which Kaiba was wary of.

"Oh, hey," the man said to Kaiba as he searched for a seatbelt. "That one doesn't have a seatbelt, but I think you'll be okay. After all, you can swim, can't you?"

_I wish I did..._

"Yeah," Kaiba lied. When they went down, he nearly flew off the thing, water sloshing all over him. It was the third waterfall (which was huge) that he flew up and crashed into the water, sputtering.

(Later)

"Big brother, what happened?" Mokuba asked his brother worriedly.

"I fell..." was all he said, shaking his coat off, drenched.

"Well...The next one is the Corkscrew!"

_I don't like the sound of that..._Kaiba thought as they went up to where the ride was located. _I knew it. _The two of them sat next to each other and the securing thing snapped over his shoulders. As they pulled up to the hill thing and plunged down, Kaiba sighed, feeling better – that is, until they went upside down.

_Click._

_Shit, _was his thought as he fell.

X

Kaiba silently limped behind Mokuba to the Ferris Wheel. _NOTHING can go wrong with this ride, _he thought, smiling to himself. Finally it was a ride where they could relax. He sighed, rubbing his face where rocks had been smashed into when he fell from the Corkscrew. He was amazed that he even lived.

"Yay!" Mokuba chirped as they sat on the Ferris wheel. Kaiba sighed, glad that he could rest – at least for awhile. But once the ride started, his younger brother started to rock the little thing and Kaiba, feeling horribly sick and fearful of heights, hurled – right on the people below him.

"AUGH!" One of the people exclaimed in disgust.

_Good, you deserved it,_ Kaiba thought bitterly.

X

"Did you have fun, Seto?" Mokuba asked curiously as they walked into the house.

"Oh, yeah," he mumbled, "_lots_ of fun."

_I am NEVER going to that place again..._He thought to himself, groaning and rubbing his neck, cracking his back. _NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER! _Pause. _EVER!_

X

DIS: Poor Kaiba. Though, when I went to Silverwood, I was afraid that the Ferris wheel was going to fall off. (X.X) And when I started to shake it, I started to hyperventilate. And then there was this other ride that I was freaking out on because I thought I was going to fly off of it. (oO) But I just _loved_ the roller coasters...( ) But then again, I'm afraid of heights. But I never put my arms up on the roller coasters cos I think I'll get them chopped off…Anyway, it might not be that funny, but I'm tired and hungry, so that's my very lame excuse. (sweat drop) Ciao!


	5. Shizuka and Jou, more than siblings!

DIS: After a long while, I have returned with the last chapter! But don't worry, there's going to be (yes, it's true) a sequel! It's going to be 'Yami's Horrid Day'! I love Yami, but he, like Kaiba and Bakura, deserve to be unintentionally tortured. (rubs hands together) I can't wait to start it! Though, with Kaiba, it was more fun than with Bakura...(oO) That sounded so wrong on so many levels...Anyway! Here's the fifth and last chapter! I hope you enjoy.

X

Warning! Shizuka and Jou bashing!

Chapter Five, 

Kaiba sighed, staring outside sulkily. He couldn't believe how his life was going. Where was that idiot mutt when he needed him? After all, at least Kaiba could kick Jou and the blonde probably wouldn't mind. Well, that was how Seto Kaiba saw it at any rate. It was sunny...And he was wishing that lightning would shoot down everyone he knew...Scratch that, everyone.

"Aw, screw this, I'm going to take a walk," he muttered and walked outside.

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" Kaiba jumped and saw that Yami was pointing to an old lady.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yami blinked and turned to Kaiba in surprise. Obviously, as he looked from the old lady to Kaiba, he had made a _slight_ mistake with identities. _I'm going to kill him_, Kaiba thought.

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" The shorter Pharaoh declared, his finger now pointed at Kaiba, smirking like he was an important person.

"Yeah? Well, that's too bad, because I'm in no mood to duel."

"What!" Yami gasped, jerking away, staring at Kaiba in horror. "Are you sick, Kaiba? You never say 'no' to a challenge!"

"(-.-) Well, I'm not feeling up to it today – Have I made myself anyway unclear!"

"Yes," the other male replied meekly.

"How? I was being perfectly clear!"

"Well, I didn't understand the 'no', 'feeling', or 'unclear' in your sentences."

"I didn't say no."

"Yes, but you were implying it, right?"

"What's your point, Yami? Can't you see I'm not feeling well?"

(pause)

"No, not really," Yami admitted, blinking. "DUEL ME, PANSY ASS!"

"WHAT WAS THAT, YOU WASHED UP PHARAOH!" Kaiba roared. "LISTEN, I'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH HELL ALL WEEK AND I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU NAGGING AT ME TO DUEL BECAUSE FRANKLY, I KNOW I'LL LOSE COS THIS WEEK'S BEEN CRAP!"

"Um...D – "

"IF YOU SAY 'DUEL ME' ONE MORE TIME, BY ALL THE GODS, I'LL SHOVE MY FISTS SO FAR UP YOUR ASS!"

"(o.o) Actually, I was just going to ask you if you knew what time it was because my watch is broken..." Yami told him slowly, staring at him with round eyes.

"Oh..." Kaiba looked at his watch. "3:12."

"(o.o) Right, well, um...I'll just...See you later, Kaiba..." At that, Yami sunk back and out of sight. Kaiba snorted and took a deep breath, turning around, seeing people staring at him. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!"

(OO'')

He gave a growl and decided to go to the park to attempt to calm down and rest a bit. He arrived and laid on a bench under some shade. He sighed, closing his eyes and putting his arms under his head. He suddenly felt like someone was staring at him and he opened his eyes to see Ryou staring down at him. He glared at him, asking, "What are you staring at, Brit-boy?"

"(-.-) A sad man..."

"(o.o) What..." _I knew I wouldn't be able to find any peace here...Why, God, why!_

Suddenly both males felt a foreboding presence near...It was...They turned and saw...

SHIZUKA KATSUYA!

"(o.o) Shizuka?" Ryou questioned.

"My is _so_ cool," she told them, standing there like a dope. Kaiba stood up, his brows snapping down.

"I...suppose so," Ryou told her, thinking, _(-.-) He is stupid._

What the hell is wrong with this girl? Is she brain-dead? Wait, what am I saying? Of course she is, she's related to Jou!...Is she? (oO) Who the hell is she? Kaiba wondered, trying to recall who Shizuka even was.

"So, what are you doing here, Shizuka?" Ryou inquired politely.

"Well, see, my big brother's awesome, that's why." Shizuka responded simply.

_(oO) What the fuck? _Kaiba stared at her, blinking.

"(oO) But...he isn't here."

"He is always with me, for he is my brother!" She told them with a broad grin.

"(X.X)..." Kaiba was dumfounded at the stupidity of her.

"(-.-) Hmm...Kaiba, is Mokuba like this with you?" Ryou asked the CEO in a low voice.

"(-.-) Sometimes."

"My sister was like that," he said thoughtfully. "But not like, er...Never mind." _Shizuka, I mean._

_Stupid whores...BOTH OF THEM! _Kaiba told himself angrily. While they had been talking in small voices, Shizuka had been standing there, smiling dopily.

"So, um...How close are you and your brother?" Ryou asked conversationally.

"Oh, we are very close, so very close, because we are brother and sister and we love each other, because we are brother and sister!" At the end, she turned to Ryou, smiling, then at Kaiba, who was giving her bizarre looks.

"(-.-) I know that..." Shizuka merely grinned.

"Stupid girl," Kaiba sniggered.

"Er...Why don't you go out with Kaiba?" Ryou asked, beaming.

"(OO) No!" Shizuka gasped, shocked. "Kaiba is not like Jou! Jou is my brother and a very good man. I love my brother, Jou, because he is my brother and Kaiba is not my brother and not like Jou!"

"Shizuka..." Ryou began slowly. "Did you and your brother like...have sex?"

"What's sex?" She asked dumbly. Kaiba smirked.

"(Oo'') Er...Have you and your brother got naked together?"

"Sometimes," Shizuka answered thoughtfully. "He did this cool thing with this thing he had on him and it felt good." Kaiba stopped smirking and his eyes went wide, his jaw dropping.

_Is Jounouchi seriously that desperate?_ He thought in horror. _That disgusting dog!_

"(OO')……………..What did it look like?" Ryou asked at last.

"A stick! A tan one, though." Kaiba suddenly turned around and Ryou could hear him gagging.

_I wish I never came to this park today..._

X

The next day at school, as Kaiba walked towards the school, he could see Jou, Honda, and Yuugi talking at the doors. He paused in front of them, looking at Jou in disgust. He had had a nightmare last night that would freak even Bakura out...

_The dream_

_Kaiba looked around in wonder, curious about where he was. Suddenly, the words 'MY BROTHER, JOU' popped up in Times New Roman in front of him. He jumped as they fell towards him. He ran from them and suddenly the words 'A TAN STICK' popped up in Old English Text MC and fell towards him. They made a hole and Kaiba fell down to it._

"_NOOO!" He screamed and then when he opened his eyes, he was on a bed. "Huh?" He looked around and suddenly Jou and Shizuka were on him._

"_Ah, big brother!" Shizuka giggled._

"_(OO) AWWWWWWWWWWWWW! NOOOOO, SOMEONE HELP!" Kaiba screeched, Jou and Shizuka nude on top of him. Suddenly chains shot out, pinning him to the bed. "HELP MEEEEEE!" _

_End the dream_

For a long time, Kaiba and Jou stared at each other. Kaiba turned around and starting to puke while the three stared at him in surprise.

_Why me! _

X

DIS: I want to thank Vaz-chan for the idea with this chapter. Our role-playing really helped, lol. It's the end of the line for 'Kaiba's Horrid Day', everyone, but the sequel, I hope, should be out soon. Review please, and if you have any ideas for 'Yami's Horrid Day', I'd love 'em!

PS: See below for a sneak-peak of the first chapter of 'Yami's Horrid Day'!

X

_Title: Yami's Horrid Day_

_Rating: M_

_Genre: Humor_

_Summary: Sequel to Kaiba's Horrid Day! The Pharaoh not only is getting insulted by Marik, but he's also getting attacked by – Grandpa and his old friends? Pure humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, but I own these ideas, the prequels, and this fic! So there! Oh, but I don't own the cologne, Axe._

_Notes/Warnings: Insanity is the main one, I should think, lol._

_Chapter One, Crazy women on the loose!_

Yami was feeling great, despite the fact that he was avoiding Kaiba, who had lost his mind..._He really needs to take anger management classes..._He thought to himself, remembering how the CEO had snapped at him. Shaking it off, he entered the grocery store and went to the hair product aisle. He saw Axe on display near the aisle and sprayed some on him. He sighed, happy with the smell, then went to get some hair gel. He heard something and he turned, blinking.

_(oO) Wonder what that was...?_ He shrugged and turned back to the gel and he blinked, seeing two feminine eyes staring at him. Was he imagining things? He heard footsteps and he turned around, seeing women advancing on him. "(OO) What – " They lunged at him and he let out a yelp, scrambling up on the shelves, running away from them. They ran after him, giving battle cries of, "I LOVE YOU!" _(X.X) I want Yuugi! He'd be able to explain this!_

He skidded into the bakery and wiped his forehead off. The baker gave him a curious look.

"Something wrong?" He asked Yami.

"Some women were chasing after...Uh...Why are you looking at me like that?" The baker man winked at him, purring.

"Daddy wants some candy," the baker said.

"(O,O'') AWW!" The baker man started to chase after him as well as he ran through the grocery store. "NOO! NOT MEEEEE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO NOT BE A VIRGIN!"

"COME TO DADDY, SWEETHEART!" The baker called. The women snarled at each other and the baker.

"HE'S MINE!" They all crowed, slapping each other, yet still running.

_(X.X) Why did I come to the store today! _Yami asked himself.

X

DIS: There's some of the first chapter! Hope you guys read the sequel. After I finish it, it should be up...(o.o) Or if I'm lucky, it'll be up at the same time this is, lol. _Au revoir_!


End file.
